Kuso That Rat!
by Miss DarkAuthoress Blackrose
Summary: It's Naruto's 20th birthday so that crew decide to go to a club and celebrate. Naruto, feeling as though it's a good time, tells a little tale of when he and Sasuke are younger. Crack fic. Funny, rib breaking laffter. Rated for: language and blood.


**Twinkle: Hello all! Well, I decided to start a little fic about random moments in my life using the Naruto characters. This has also replaced that stupid Author's Notes story I wrote. What a waste of precious writing time! Anyway, Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Naruto™. If I did, the 3rd wouldn't have died, Sasuke would still be in the village…. He would still be gay though, Itachi would be good and in the village, and the main branch of the Hyuuga clan's men wouldn't have the Eiffel Tower up their asses. On to thou story!

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Today is Naruto's 20th birthday so everyone got together at a little comedy club.

"Okay! Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome Naruto Namikaze Uzumaki!" Jiraya said as Naruto came on stage.

"Hey everyone, okay, I'm not going to chit chat so let's get this started. Okay, it was about 15 years ago…

*~* 15 years ago *~*

"Naruto, Sasuke!" Mikoto said as she called that two five year-olds into the house. "I have to go take care of my mother and you two are going with me. Go get in the car."

"Okay." The boys said in unison.

*~* At Sasuke's Grandma's House *~*

_So I and Sasuke were in his mom's car waiting for her to come back. We were in the car for about 45 minutes before it got dark._

"Sasuke, when is your mom going to come back?" Naruto whined.

"I don't know. Mommy said that it would take a while." Sasuke said looking out the window on the right side of the car.

Naruto, giving up on bothering Sasuke, looked out his own window. Then his eyes grew wide. "Sasuke, look! A kitty!" he cried pointing out the window. Sasuke looked over Naruto shoulder at the small animal outside the car. Then he squinted. 'Wait a minute. Rounded ears… long nose… unfurry tail… pointed tip…" All of a sudden, Sasuke jumped back gasping.

"HOLY SHIT, THAT'S NOT A CAT! THAT'S A FUCKING RAT!" Sasuke yelled, pressing himself against the car door.

Naruto, being the curious little kid he is, opened that door. Sasuke leapt over him in attempt to close the door. Remember, he 'attempted'. Sasuke flew out of that car and landed a few feet from the Rat-From-Hell as they dubbed.

Naruto squinted and looked at the animal. Then his eyes widen. "That's not a rat! It's a possum!" Naruto said. He then closed the door, locking Sasuke outside.

Sasuke stared at the animal, shaking. 'A possum… a possum… A POSSUM!'

"Ahhh!" Sasuke screamed. He shot up from the ground and started to pound on the car door. "Naruto, open the door! This thing looks like it's going to rape me! Open the door!"

Naruto shook his head. "Kena Yeo! That thing is going to come it here and hurt us!"

Sasuke eye twitched. "I'm outside you idiot! Ugh, fine!" Sasuke said as he ran to the other side of the car, opened the door, climbed in, and slammed the door behind him. "Nani Kena! You just left me out there to die?" Sasuke yelled.

Naruto cocked his head to the side. "I thought you said it was going to rape you."

Sasuke sighed. "Nevermind." He said as he turned to look out his window. Naruto closed his eyes.

_We sat in complete silence for about fifteen minutes. But you know what they say: "All good things come to and end."…_

"HISS!" Naruto sand Sasuke jolted. They looked out Naruto window to see…

The possum humping the door!

"WTH? Get that thing off the door!" Sasuke yelled.

"Keno yeo! You do it!" Naruto yelled back, backing away from the door.

"HISS!" Naruto sighed.

"Fine, I'll do it." He said as he climbed over Sasuke and hopped out the car.

Naruto, being as quiet as a five year old could, snuck to the trunk of the car. He grabbed a metal bat.

Sasuke was inside the car hyperventilating. He calmed down when Naruto whacked the thing off the door. He sighed and laid back. Until…

"HISS!" And Sasuke promptly fainted as manly as possible: Pass right out and hit your head on something hard.

Naruto was getting tired of this possum. So, with a little help from Kyuubi, Naruto enhanced his sense. Then he smirked.

"Oh possum? Koi taka ta?" His smirked dropped when he heard a hiss form behind him. "Sothe." Then he smirked again. "You're just a little possum. Ama io." He teased. He swung the bat hard and knocked the possum away. He then hopped in the car. He face palm.

"Stupid yarou can't even handle a possum." He muttered. "Yo, Sasuke, wake up!" he yelled. Sasuke shot up.

"What dobe?"

"I have a plan. All we need to do is leer the possum to the street and scream so it'll play dead when a car is coming." Naruto explained. "It would most likely die if hit by the car. Thus killing it and making us safe.

*~* Present *~*

"So we leered it to the street and it got hit by a car. Sasuke was grossed out so I said…

_Aah. I know, there's blood and guts everywhere but look on the bright side. The thing is dead. Everyone's happy._

But there's one thing that I never forgot about that day. A saying that I would never forget because it was so funny because the possum was alive holding its title. We said…

_KUSO THAT RAT!_

Alright. Good everyone!" Naruto said as he ran off stage. Jiraya came on stage, mic in hand.

"Give it up for Naruto Namikaze Uzumaki! Goodnight everyone!"

*~* Later That Night *~*

"Ne Naruto, Sasuke-kun? Did that really happen to you guys?" Sakura asked. Naruto grinned and Sasuke nodded.

"Enough of that! Teme, I'll race you to the arcade!" Naruto said before he took off, Sasuke not a second later.

*~* After the Arcade *~*

Rookie 9 and Gai's team was walking home when…

"HISS!"

And Naruto and Sasuke simultaneously said...

"KUSO THAT RAT!" and ran away.

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**Twinkle: And that was my cute little one shot! JA NE!**


End file.
